Hello to my fellow first-time mommas! I have another how-to for you today. This is big, people. Seriously. Really big. Huge even. Get out a pen. Paper. Maybe consider taking screenshots and saving them, because this is important wisdom that I am about to share with you. Are you ready? Here it is:
Don’t be like me. Stop trying to figure everything out on your own and get help from experienced mommas.
Did you get that? Let me elaborate. Do you have friends with multiple children? Perhaps you attend a family-oriented church. Are you close with your own mom or grandma? Get the 411, Momma! As hard as it is to hear (I know I was humbled by it), they know more than you.
Notice I did not say, “They know better than you.” You know your baby better than anyone. You certainly love your baby more than anyone (except maybe her father). There are things that your baby needs that only you could possibly provide, and that feels good, doesn’t it? You get to keep that.
But, believe it or not, you are not the first woman to ever have a baby! Other women have done it. Many women have done it several times. I know, right? Why do you care? Because these beautiful, strong, wise women are treasure troves of useful information. Veritable encyclopedias, written by experience and by God for you to study and heed. If you do this, you may find joy in something that earlier caused you stress.
Let me give you an example. Alice and I had the hardest time during spring break. She was exhausted each morning and took long naps. When it came time for her afternoon naps though, she refused to go down, no matter how tired she was. And, make no mistake, she was very tired. This caused her to fuss almost every waking minute in the afternoon! I didn’t know what to do for her, and I was losing my mind...a fact that came bursting out of my mouth when asked how I was doing at church on Sunday.
The inquirer was none other than my lovely friend, Jen, who is raising three adorable, blond, well-behaved children. Being unsurprised at my reply to her banal “How’s it going?”, she grew pensive and asked a few follow-up questions. When she got to Alice’s sleep schedule, I could practically see a bulb illuminate over her head as she smiled knowingly.
“I don’t know what your parenting method is,” she started, “but maybe check out Babycenter.com. They have a sleep chart that might help.”
She went on to suggest that Alice wasn’t sleeping enough at night, leading to a too-long morning nap, resulting in the afternoon sleep-striking. She advised a limited morning nap and an earlier bedtime.
“Just take a look at the chart,” she said kindly, “I hope it helps.”
Even before arriving home, I was fervently studying. If you’re wondering, a five-month-old baby should get between eleven and twelve hours of sleep per night. Alice was getting around seven. Also, four hours of daytime napping is advised, broken into three shorter segments. We weren’t even close to hitting the mark on that either. With this discovery, Dan and I made the decision to embark upon an immediate sleep overhaul.
It’s been about a week and a half, and the difference is amazing! Alice wakes up on her own, smiling her drooly, toothless smile at the same time each morning. When nap time arrives, I place her into bed, tuck her in, turn on her ocean sounds, and give her a kiss. She closes her eyes and goes to sleep on her own. Giggles and chatter abound until her afternoon nap, when we repeat the process with success each day. A final mini-nap keeps her happy until bedtime, when she stretches herself out between us on the bed, puts her hand on Dan’s arm (so cute!) and dozes off into dreamland with little to no fuss. Can you believe it?!
So First-time Mommas, I know it’s hard to have to take advice. It’s difficult to admit that you don’t always know exactly how to take care of your child. It’s certainly humbling to ask for help. But...listen now… It’s worth it!! I can’t tell you how much easier my life is right now than it was two weeks ago. All three of us are doing much better. Now seek out those courageous women who went before you and buy them a cup of coffee. Have a nice, long chat, then share what you’ve learned in the comments!
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